


no man is worth dying for

by AquaAmaryllis



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Amane Misa-centric, Gen, Mental Instability, Multi, Self-Insert, Smart Amane Misa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:48:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29783952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaAmaryllis/pseuds/AquaAmaryllis
Summary: Would there be consequences? Yes. Was it selfish? Perhaps. Did she care? No. Because she absolutely refused to die for a man who thought of himself as God. Amane Misa or not, voices in her head or not, she was doing this reincarnation thing her way.Semi-SI!Misa
Comments: 27
Kudos: 96





	1. buried

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I posted on ff.net and decided to put it up here now that I've begun to rewrite it, hope you like this ;)
> 
> disclaimer : Death Note and it's characters belong to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obatao, no infringement to copyright is intended!

Her death was simple, boring some might say.

Nothing flashy or heroic, nobody crying out for her blood before her short life ended. She expected to feel...content with that, that her death hadn't been because of her own actions, that she had lived a good life without destroying that of others.

She felt content for a whole two and a half seconds, before an uncomfortable unease settled in her stomach. She felt sick, which was a bad thing if only because she was already dead and supposed to be above things like that.

Nausea swept and crashed upon her. It wasn't fair, was it? Don't get her wrong, she'd never been the justice-oriented individual, but didn't she deserve _better_ than that?

Better than some mugger breaking into her cozy apartment and looking for anything of value - which was pointless since she barely had enough money to pay rent. Better than getting home from work like usual, humming a small nostalgic tune under her breath only to get shot straight in the head when she opened the door.

Oh how she could hear her old bat of a neighbor complaining about stains on the wall. _Bitch._

There was a brief moment where she got to be terrified, to feel pain. Then...nothing. Death was painless she concluded, too bad most people lived in fear of it. The unknown, now that was something to be scared shitless of if you asked her.

To feel everything, from the pale hair on her arms to the freckles on her face. To float into emptiness with nothing besides the bitter realization that she was _dead._

Thankfully, she didn't get much time to dwell on it.

December 24th at 23:57, Maria Anderson, twenty-two of age, died alone like she always had been. A few hours later, Misa Amane was born on Christmas, crying and screaming with all of her might for a very different reason than what the new parents and doctor believed.

Embarrassingly, it took her a few months before understanding she had been reborn - she blamed her tiny baby brain, and almost a year to realize she was in the Death Note universe as Misa Amane _(of all people!)_

She tried to deny it, she really did.

A joke that was what this was, a very sick joke. Death Note wasn't even her favorite anime, far from it. Don't get her wrong she didn't _not like it_ either, it was one of the first anime she had watched and she'd always liked a good tragedy. She had even read the manga and all of the novels after. Twisted, sordid and slightly philosophical, it was a very good read.

Those same reasons made it so that it was the worst possible anime to be reincarnated(?) in. Just her luck.

Had she been reborn into a minor character, or better yet someone who didn't even appear into the storyline she could've dealt with this...well not easily, but somewhat faster.

It just had to be Misa Amane, didn't it? The cringe-worthy blonde fangirl with a sad past and homicidal tendencies. _Of fucking course._ As ditzy the girl was, she had played a critical role in the series.

A role she _refused_ to play.

When it finally dawned on her, Misa _\- not Maria anymore darling,_ cried like there was no tomorrow until her small baby body could no longer take it and she fell asleep much to her new mother's relief. Truth be told, Misa liked her new mother better than the first one.

That woman had been vile and extremely selfish, a trait Maria-Misa had inherited from her.

Her new mother was kind and caring, comfortable to sleep on too. It was...nice, for someone to love you so unconditionally without having to do a thing to earn it.

Yui Amane was probably the prettiest woman Misa had ever seen - in both lives. She had pretty hazel eyes and medium length blonde hair - a color she had passed on to her daughter, even if hers was a bit darker than the older woman's.

Knowing she had stolen that woman's baby girl was heartbreaking. _(even if said baby girl helped a mass murderer later on)_

"Come on Misa say mama!" For the past hour or so, her mother had tried to teach her to talk and walk, as embarrassing as it was, Misa easily gave in to her antics. 

"Mm-ma! Mama!" The thing was that Misa was an _adorable_ baby, she'd be damned if she didn't use that to her advantage. She raised her chubby little arms wanting to be lifted from the uncomfortable floor she was sitting on. "Up!"

Her mother complied, gently taking her small baby body into her arms before kissing her forehead. As she drifted into a dreamless sleep, Misa felt her father wrap his strong arms around them both.

She almost managed to forget the dark future that awaited her, shinigami, notebooks that could kill and the tale of a sad girl who died because she fell in love with the wrong person.

Almost.


	2. control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little Misa muses on the irony of the world. (or manga, or anime, whatever)

_November 19th, 1989_

Her parents were going to die.

Killed by a mugger - oh the irony, _yes very funny._ It was a reality she refused to accept. They were the only thing she had dammit! Misa just had entered elementary a few weeks ago and decided the time to begin plotting had come.

_(well perhaps not plotting, but definitely screwing with the bastard who had decided to write her parents as dead nobodies used to set events in motion)_

_(yeah, fuck you too buddy)_

She was as polite as a child could be and made sure to smile and play with her classmates. Because of this, they thought she was their friend, a few girls had even called her their _best friend_. How sweet.

Misa didn't care about them, she only cared about her parents and they were going to die before she could hit twenty again. Rage bubbled up to the surface, crashing down around her like a tidal wave.

Resentment grew from there because, yes, give her a decent family and a second chance at life. Let these wonderful individuals raise her body-snatching self as she grows up knowing they are going to die. _(ha ha ha...)_

Yesterday on the news, there was this story about an elderly man who had killed his own wife as well as the neighbors. Her mother quickly shut the thing down, not wanting her 'innocent' child to see. Misa already had heard most of the story.

And it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair that that some poor excuse of a man like that got to live in the shadows, for _decades_ committing his deeds while her loving parents wouldn't get the same chance.

_This world is rotten._

She then slapped herself, because thinking like Light Yagami was a very, very bad sign. She did not want to go all trigger happy on criminals, she didn't want to play God either. She'd leave that to the crazy men of this world, L and Light could have their fun playing with the lives of the innocent and the guilty like one would play chess.

No, what Misa wanted was to see her parents live to see their twenty-fifth anniversary of marriage, get a dog maybe.

It's not like Misa hated Light Yagami, not really. A psychopath who managed to stay under the radar for seventeen years until he was sent into the deepest levels of crazy by a notebook.

_(the thing is that she's hardly in a position to judge anyone, especially when there was mental illness and death involved)_

Truth be told, she found the boy...fascinating. Someone who viewed the world as rotten, beyond redemption and yet tried to fix it. A boy whose intellect was unparalleled and grew bored of peers who could never reach his level, really she couldn't blame him for having such an ego. No matter how ridiculously _annoying_ it was.

Still, he took far too many risks in her opinion. Enough to give her comfort-obsessed self a heart attack. _Oh._ Her lips quirked upwards at that, killing the laugh that wanted to spill out of her.

Lost in her thoughts, Misa didn't notice her teacher who was now standing in front of her desk, arms crossed.

"Misa-chan should pay attention if she wants to get good grades." The teacher lightly scolded and she felt yet another surge of annoyance, she grinned charmingly up at the woman.

"Gomen, Tomo-sensei!" As if Misa was the kid she had to worry about, the class was full of little terrors. A few minutes of visibly not being listened to was hardly anything to bat her eyelashes at, not when a boy had permanant marker on his face and a little girl had lost a pigtail.

"It's fine, just pay more attention," the woman shook her head almost fondly as she walked back to the front of the class.

She hid a smirk behind her fist, this was too easy.

* * *

She should have been asleep almost an hour ago.

Her mother had told her a bedtime story and dropped a kiss to her forehead like she did every night, yet she didn't manage to sleep. She was...confused as to what her next actions would be, in a few years time her parents were set to die and Kira to be born.

She didn't care much for the latter since she had no intention of committing a crime or getting involved in the Kira investigation.

Ha, _no way._

Now that she thought about it, would Kira even win? With Misa not involved and not inexplicably in love with the boy, he wouldn't have a pair of eyes on command. Hm...she'd be ready to bet a hand that _responsibility_ would fall on Kiyomi Takada.

Now that was funny. Because she held no affection for the original Misa, but she could feel a sense of spite against that woman and her arrogance. Treating others like they were beneath her, no matter how stupid the original could be at times, it made her blood boil.

_(not as much as both girls letting themselves be treated like a tools, all in the name of love)_

_(ugh, she was going to be sick. she may not hate Light, but she did dislike him quite a lot)_

L.

Kira.

Two sides of the same coin. This game of theirs could go both way. She hardly cared for the outcome, L wining would make her own future more than uncertain, but then again since she had no intention of involving herself with Light Yagami her future was already uncertain.

Goddamnit, this was giving her a headache.

Worst case scenario, she did have her own advantage. She did not trust the story to go the way it should, not when this used to be a _book_ and she was planning on screwing the plot. She did have a rather basic understanding of how their minds worked, making it easier to predict their next moves.

She knew them, even if it was from the other side of a screen. They knew nothing about her, that made her dangerous.

They just didn't know it yet. _(perhaps they never would and that hurt her pride, just a little bit)_

_(thankfully she was neither L nor Kira, she could live with losing games once in a while and didn't equate her pride to her life)_

Mind games were fun, she could see why the smartest men in the world would fall prey to them. She had mind games of her own after all, no matter how insignificant they were in the grand scheme of things.

She loved to twist things to her advantage, bending the truth even by just a little to get what she wants. To look into someone's eyes and know they're dismissing her when she's actually the one who's _winning._

It made her feel powerful, oh so powerful. Control, she loved being in control of the situation and she knew that if she were to get involved in the Kira case she would lose that feeling.

She wants to selfishly dig her nails into it so they never take it away from her. In a world of death Gods and notebooks that kill, losing control was scary.

Staying far away from the Kira case should be easy, saving her parents on the other hand, would be far more difficult.

_(oh well, she already tampered with fate once)_


	3. predictable

_September 12th, 1999._

This, feeling the warmth of the sun on her face, is why she's glad to be alive.

"Hey, Misa we're all going to the mall, want to come?" Some girls from her class were forming a small crowd in front of the school building, giggling between themselves.

Misa plasters a smile on her face as she walks towards the girl, Nami.

"Sure," school, no matter how easy it was, had the habit of exhausting her. Sitting in that chair while listening to lessons she already knew was...maddening. "Who's coming?"

"All of us here, Hana-chan, Kaoru and Kaname-kun said he might come. If I tell him you're coming I'm sure he'll come!" Cute, as if that boy could possibly interest her.

She quite likes Nami, the girl was kind like people rarely were. Bubbly and full of life. Misa could _ruin_ that girl, she didn't want to. _(what kind of monster would?)_

Nami was of average height for a fifteen years old, barely starting to look like a woman. With light brown hair was kept just above her shoulders and bangs being clipped up by cute hairpins, often hearts or bunnies. Yes, Nami was pretty cute.

"I'm not interested," she quickly tried to correct the situation, one girl with the ugliest shade of pink for hair rolling her eyes. "I just want you to be happy! Like with me and Kaoru, we could go do our hair together and go on double dates! Please Misa, Kaname-kun's nice! If he's not to your taste I'll find you an even nicer guy! One that will treat you like a princess and-"

No, she really didn't want the girl to lose that gleam in her light brown eyes.

"Oh I don't think I told you about that date we had last week, he got me some roses and we went to take a walk in the park. Oh Misa, he's so wonderful!" One day, one day she would tell her in who's bed her precious Kaoru slept in last night.

That boy was of the worst kind, a lying and cheating bastard. Nobody had proof that he was cheating on her with another girl, but they all had their doubts. Before she could notice, he had already sunk his claws into Nami too deep for her to tell the girl anything without proof and be believed.

"I don't need a boy to make me happy and you shouldn't either," selfish bitch or not, she didn't want her only true friend to be heartbroken.

"There's something your not telling me." There was a lot of things she wasn't telling Nami. "I just don't think you should need a guy to be happy." You shouldn't need anything really, especially not something as fickle as humans.

Misa bounced on the heel of her feet as their little group waited for their turn to pass the street, she didn't bother with the other conversations going on. "So you do care!"

The taller girl hugged her closely and the blonde choked down a laugh. This girl made it very hard not to care for her.

"Don't choke her Nami!" One of the other girls whose name escaped her, giggled. "Yeah, the boys won't forgive us for killing such a pretty face!"

How...vain, and predictable.

Still she playfully winked at the second girl who very clearly didn't like her, oh yes the dumb blonde card was one of her favorites. "You're so sweet!"

Despite her original dislike of canon!Misa, she must admit the girl did know how to play her cards right at times. Acting like she was stupid, fooling the great L even. Not many could claim to something like that, not to mention she managed to survive longer than the two geniuses without having their brains or ressources.

L and Light flaunted their brains which eventually got them killed. Yes, she believed Misa had the right idea. Snake under the pretty flower and all that, it did help that the men of the task force constantly underestimated her.

To some extent, Misa did the same. Getting good grades, but never _too high_ , upbeat attitude and wide smiles. Cute, but ordinary.

Call it paranoia, but she was afraid to grab attention. In a world where names and faces could kill, being anything more than ordinary was dangerous. Misa Misa did not like danger.

" - sa! Misa! We're here already," Nami chuckled as she dragged her inside the mall. Shops were their playground for a few hours, the group of...seven teenagers earning themselves either disproving glances or fond smiles from the other customers.

When she caught Hana and Kaoru exchange lustful glances, she almost threw up.

Hana Takahashi was even faker than her _\- which was saying a lot_ , the girl was a cancer. She was supposed to be friends with Nami and that didn't stop of sleeping with her boyfriend, over and over again.

"How about we get some ice cream?" Hm, she could go for some ice cream actually. "That's a good idea Kaname-san." Misa said making sure to emphasis the -san. She knew the boy had a crush on her and had no intention to give him false hope.

Being fifteen again sucked because puberty made it so that boys started to notice how her body was developing. She hated the glances on her growing bust and tights-covered legs, it was like ants were crawling all over her skin. She had to remind herself many time a day that this was completely normal and that hormones didn't define a boy.

She simply wasn't interested in relationships, maybe after she saved her parents of their impending doom and the boys around her matured enough for her to truly notice.

Kaname was nice, all things considered. Even offered to buy her the sweet treat to which she responded with a sugary grin and a decisive no.

The plastic cup in her hands creased when Nami was ignored in favor of Hana by her boyfriend. The girl retreated in her seat, hurt and Misa had never wanted more than to crush the someone's skull.

"My parents want me home soon," she lied easily, the chatting teenagers pausing to look at her. "I'll see you guys on Monday, ne?"

"Wait! I'll come with you," Misa thanked whoever was above when the voice was far too light to belong to Kaname, instead Nami was the one to follow her outside the mall after quick goodbyes.

The two had began walking to school together at the start of middle school, leaving only a street away from each other. The parc they were walking through to reach the intersection was quiet, the sun almost completely gone behind the buildings.

"...Kaoru and Hana are sleeping together, aren't they?" Nami was naïve, but not dumb. She heard the rumors, just didn't want to believe them.

"They are. I'm sorry Nami," They both knew Nami would forgive her for not telling her about Kaoru's unfaithfulness. Still the girl took a step back, features tightening.

"I heard the whispers, but I never thought he would actually..." Tears filled her eyes, Misa closing hers. _(look at what you did, heartless little girl)_

"I don't know," and she didn't, how dumb could the boy get anyway? "It wasn't you Nami, it wasn't you."

The girl's breath hitched, tears rolling down her round cheeks. "My chest hurts..!" Misa gathered the sobbing girl in her arms then, shushing her softly.

"You're okay, you're going to be okay." The blonde slowly led them to a patch of grass to sit on, kissing the girl's temple as they lowered themselves to the ground. "He's an idiot and she's a bitch."

"Yeah, they kind of are..." Fresh tears gathered in her honey-brown eyes, the girl's forehead resting in the crook of Misa's neck. "I'm so dumb."

_(and I am a monster in human flesh)_

"You're brilliant," she corrected the girl who was laying in her lap, hiding her face in blonde locks. "You're kind and beautiful."

_(I don't deserve you, the world doesn't either)_

"I'm sorry for not telling you," making excuses wouldn't change anything.

"I know, I wouldn't have believed you anyway." There was a choked bout of laughter, uneven breathing trying to slow down.

"Want to sleep at my place for tonight? Mom and I made some cookies last night." She slowly, gently brought them both up on their two feet after the girl texted her mom she would be spending the night.

Nami made her hope for a better future, to get that nice house next to her parents' and that dog.

Nami made her forget that she had for some reason had been reborn in a story that she thought was fiction, that she knew of the future, that Shinigami and death notes existed.

She clung onto that hope with all the might of a dead girl.

The glowing red numbers floating above Nami's head were a painful reminder that she was anything but normal.

_Nami Matsuo_

_4 **9**_ _8_ _**76** _ _3 2_ _**8** _


	4. apparently

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misa makes a new friend!

_June 26th, 2000._

Misa stared at the _damned_ numbers above her father's head.

The numbers looked quite high, but Misa had learned to somewhat understand them and knew that the lifespan wasn't nearly as long as one would assume. She offered to move, but her parents refused with a laugh, thinking their daughter was kidding.

Misa's parents killer never was given a name, so finding him in a mass of petty thieves was impossible - if the man even had a record yet.

"Misa, honey are you feeling alright? You don't have a fever do you?" Misa giggled as her mother put a hand over her forehead. "No mom, just lost in thoughts." The Amane family had decided to take advantage of the nice temperature to go out for brunch in their favorite restaurant.

"How is Nami doing dear? I haven't seen her in awhile," with her mother and Nami's being old college friends came the disadvantage of never being able to hide anything. She'd be ready to bet her mom and Mrs. Matsuo had secret meetings to discuss their daughters lives.

"- and then his wife came all the way into the room in the middle of the meeting just so she could scold him about forgetting his tie! What a day that man must have had," her father's wild hand gestures served as to grab her attention she was sure. Sly man.

Misa would never be able to express just how much her parents meant to her. She never could blame canon!Misa for going mad with grief to the point of being a Kira fanatic after their death. "Hey, guys?" She interrupted one of her mother's own funny work stories just as it begun. "You know I love you right?"

There was a second of silence, the piece of bacon her father was about to stuff in his mouth falling back into his plate.

"Honey?" Her mother's brow furrowed, the exact same way hers did. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, of course I just-" Would rain hell upon this earth before following her other's self footsteps and throw herself off a roof if anything happened to them? "Wanted to make sure..." her voice was quiet now, trailing uncertainly.

_(Misa was dangerous, but also terribly weak because she would not survive the grief of losing her parents)_

_(she knew that for certain)_

"Oh baby," her mother's voice wavered. "We love you too, my little miracle." A wet kiss was dropped to her forehead by her father, her mother squeezing her hand underneath the table.

"You're so smart, sometimes we forget you're still just a kid!" her father's laugh was warm, a blanket around her shoulders on cold nights.

* * *

"Things would be so much easier if I could just kill him..."

Light Yagami, the man who wanted to be a God and yet was so much more dangerous than one. Powerful and volatile never made a good combination. She couldn't, and not because she didn't think she could get away with it.

Growing up, she'd come to realize the world needed a Kira. With the crime rate already skyscraper high in Japan, more than in any other country. The worst part? It was only increasing, the police tried their best but the number of murders and thefts and rapes didn't stop their ascension.

Light Yagami was Kira. The only one that actually _worked_ as Kira. The others were either failed copies or wrong for the role.

"Do all human girls talk about killing someone so easily?" Misa's heart jumped to her throat. She turned her head to the side as she ever so slowly sat upon her bed instead of laying on her back.

Her gaze met that of a small doll-like being who looked like it had been poorly sewn out of blue and white fabric, he(she/it?) had only one yellow eye.

 _Gelus,_ her mind supplied remembering the Shinigami who had saved Misa's life from her stalker and destined murderer, sacrificing his life in order to do so. Now that didn't sit well with her, somebody she didn't know losing his life instead of hers was...strange.

_(how could you love someone so much without knowing them?)_

"Hello, I am known as Gelus. What about you?" The stitches that made his mouth twitched upwards a little.

"Misa, my name's Amane Misa. It's nice to meet you Gelus...do you care for honorifics?" She carefully got off the bed as to kneel on the ground and offer the small creature who had once saved the life of a woman that was her. "Call me Gelus and I'll call you Misa."

He(?) was really _adorable._

"Is there any reason why a young girl such as yourself would talk about death so casually?"

"I don't think I'm supposed to see you," she replied after thinking the question over. "Either way, you would be surprised at what passes in the mind of a girl. What about you Gelus? Is there any reason why you are here?"

_With me, a mortal._

"Call it curiosity, but I heard of a human girl who somehow obtained the Shinigami eyes without making the deal and the fact that you can see me proves that the rumor is true." It was...unexpected, for her to feel so calm with this thing that clearly anything but human.

Other than his weird shape, Gelus' stitches looked strained. As if containing a greater being than the doll-like appearance she was seeing.

"You humans fear death. What is death to you Misa Amane?" She crossed her legs as to be more comfortable, licking dry lips. "Death is...fair. Not quite a friend, but close."

_(perhaps she is the one not to be fair, not to want to let death take her parents despite them rightfully belonging to it)_

_(they all belong to death in the end, but this is her parents, hers)_

The small Shinigami looked confused, despite his face not shifting.

A cackle suddenly erupted, "You're a funny human!"

"Glad to be entertaining, what about you? What do you think about death?" Misa really did wonder, death Gods were a thing clearly, but did they know more about the dark abyss that was death more than she did? Most probably.

"Shinigami do not fear death," he gave a small shrug which made her crack a smile. "I guess that death is an ending. We Shinigami live for a very long time, we get bored easily after years and years of loneliness. Death doesn't sound so bad."

"I'm sorry, that must be awful." To forget how to be human, goosebumps grew on the naked expanse of her arms.

"Isn't there a way to make the Shinigami realm more interesting? Surely that would help you lot with the whole immortality thing," he seemed quite amused. "The realm is long dead, nothing can live there. Some tried in the past, most have given up hope and seek entertainment from your world."

"Do you know you're the second human to ever have those eyes without giving half of your lifespan?" _Yes, yes she did._

"Did you ever meet the first human?" Gelus shook his head, "I didn't, although I heard quite a bit about him, a serial killer if I remember correctly. Haven't been caught yet actually, smart boy. They say he was born with the eyes."

"Why is that? Was one of his parents a Shinigami or did one give him the eyes?" She asked with genuine curiosity.

"You could at least pretend to be surprised." Gelus' laugh was dry, the whistling of the wind sharp against her very human ears. "Shinigami can't procreate, but I don't know about your second theory. Could be possible."

"Mh. I'd like to meet him," she admitted, knowing she probably would not get the chance. Beyond Birthday was a highly dangerous, if interesting individual. Like L, like Light. Self preservation kept her away, but it didn't kill her curiosity. "You really are a strange human Misa."

"Honey! The food is ready!" her mother called from downstairs, the sound of cutlery hitting the dinner table. "Coming!" Gelus looked, weirdly enough, disappointed at that.

Plump lips quirked upwards, "Mom's making some fried rice, I can bring you some after if you want."

"I do not require sustenance," the doll-like being informed and she blinked, didn't Ryuk always eat apples? "Then do you enjoy it?"

"I have never tried anything other than what we have in the realm, it's disgusting." The blonde nodded, gathering her waist-length hair into a ponytail. "I'll bring you some once I'm done downstairs, if you're staying that is."

Supper was a lively affair like it always was in the Amane household, with Misa bringing a small plate to her room quietly. Her parents were too busy sucking faces as they watched some movie to notice.

Misa Amane was many things, friends with a Shinigami was now apparently one of them.


	5. to be mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misa encounters the devil.

_May 9th, 2001._

Misa was confused as to what her next course of action should be.

"Who does that bitch even think she is? She thinks she's just so much better than us, just because guys think she's cute." A girl who was applying some lipstick complained loudly.

"I know right! What do they even see in her?" Unsurprisingly Hana hadn't changed at all in the last two years. Misa had never liked the little twat anyway.

Nami had thankfully decided to definitely cut ties with the girl after the whole Kaoru incident.

"I bet she's sleeping with the teachers to get good grades," Misa sighed before getting out of the bathroom cabin to wash her hands, the three girls went tense. "So you're _spying_ on us now? Get a life Amane!" Misa simply dried her hands, ignoring their offended expressions.

"Oi! Answer us!" A manicured hand grabbed her wrist, squeezing tightly. Still not answering, she ripped her hand away calmly before exiting the bathroom to meet up Nami at her locker. The bubbly girl greeted her, elbow linking with hers. "What took you so long?"

"Just had to go to the bathroom" She intentionally forgets to mention Hana and her lackeys. "You working after school?" A few months ago, Misa managed to get herself a job as a waitress in a small but popular coffee shop. This way she could start investing for her future, while her parents had money, you could never be too careful with that type of thing.

Always better to have some the side for _unplanned events._

Misa and Nami were in their junior year meaning Light would find his death note in a little less than two years, which meant Misa's parents only had about a year and half left to their lifespan. Misa had already upgraded their security system - who could say no to those puppy dog's eyes of hers? The numbers refused to budge and she was losing her mind.

_(we're all mad here)_

"Misa!" Snapping out of her thoughts, she looked at Nami who was crossing her arms with a raised brow. "You completely zoned out! Everyone has already left, you knucklehead."

Looking around, the classroom was indeed empty except for herself and Nami.

"Geez! You barely listen and always manage to get decent grades! It's not fair." Of course, it's not fair. She had already seen all of this.

* * *

The bright red apron tied around her waist made her look like those girls in maid cafes, even over the plain white shirt and black skirt composing her uniform.

Her hair was tied into a braid and she looked quite good if she did say so herself.

The place should be full at this time of the day, people just getting out of school or work often liked to get a treat for a hard day of work, those working the night shift would buy in mass coffee. The place was instead empty, weirdly so. Customers were far-in-between and she was quickly getting bored, she couldn't wait to get home.

The unused tables had already all been cleaned either by her or a co-worker and so she cleaned up the counter for what felt like the hundred time before fetching some coffee for a table that was used.

Working in the kitchen would've been so much more pleasant.

Despite having been employed as a waitress, she had quickly became accustomed to help in the back and switching places with people in the kitchen back and forth.

Baking was what she liked doing the most, it meant doing something she enjoyed and she didn't have to deal with so many bleeding numbers all around her or perverts. While the uniform was decent, it sometimes didn't stop boys from making offensive comments - actual harassment was out of the question because the owner was the scariest woman _ever._

That was just common knowledge.

The bell signaling that a customer just had opened the door rang, seeing that the boy supposed to be behind the counter had disappeared, Misa slid behind it with a grin.

"Good afternoon!" She looked up at the customer before freezing. _This must be a_ _nightmare,_ horror settled deep into her stomach, bloody letters haunting her even as she briefly closed her eyelids.

"Will you be taking a table or taking out?" Misa would've broken in tears, for in front of her was Quillsh Wammy better know as Watari in all of his elderly glory.

"Thank you for the kind offer, but I was actually hoping it to talk to the person who baked the pastries this place offered four days ago," she was going to scream.

"You see, my employer ate those pastries and he absolutely adored them. Yesterday I came back here to buy him some more, but when he ate them he swore the taste had changed."

"I doubt I can help you," her smile didn't waver, even when the old man narrowed his eyes on her. "All of our pastries are freshly made and many employees could have baked those at different times during the day."

Maybe she should run away in another country?

"I must insist young lady, he's quite fond of sweets you see and we'd like to buy those exact same treats." The man's appearance betrayed nothing more than a kind grand father, she called bullshit. This man was the _devil._

"I can give your number to the owner, she's gone for some business but she'll call you as soon as possible," the skin of her cheeks hurt.

"That won't be necessary Misa, I just came back." Watari's eyes drifted further behind her shoulder, where the sudden voice came from. "Beside I doubt you need my help remembering who baked those." Sarah, the owner from hell said, lips set in a straight line.

"You modified the recipe again didn't you?" The European girl crossed her arms, "I swear I barely added a little more brown sugar and cream because the place was full of kids and I thought they would like it better that way! It didn't taste much different and-"

"You're impossible I swear... you're lucky the clients liked it because if it wasn't the case you would be out of here already." She winced, knowing trampling with recipes like that was more than a bad idea. "Just go bake another batch like you did that day, after all the customer is always right."

"What?! But that will take at least forty minutes are you sure you want to wait that long sir?" She asked praying he would say no and just go away.

"I have all the time you need, do not worry. I will take twenty strawberry cakes as well as fifty of those cookies," At least one of them was happy about this Misa thought looking at a joyful Sarah who led Watari to a table with promises of free coffee.


	6. crescent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bloody crescents and cookies.

_May 9th, 2001._

"Damn it all. He isn't supposed to be in Japan yet..." Misa cursed loudly as she picked up her things as to get the fuck away from her workplace.

"Who? That old man?" Misa looked behind her shoulder to see Gelus, barely surprised to have him sneaking up on her and appear out of thin air anymore. She made sure the street she was on was empty before giving the small God a smile.

"Hello Gelus, no I was not quite talking about the old man." The small being raised a nonexistent brow at that "Who then?"

"His employer, I need to stay away from both of them and I thought they wouldn't be in Japan for a few years," Misa had never thought L would take some cases in Japan before the Kira case, she always assumed he would stay in England or anywhere else in Europe.

Really it was her fault for not considering he would take a few cases in Japan in the years before Kira. _God how dumb could she get?_

Of course L would take some cases in different countries, best detective in the world wasn't a title earned by always staying in one place.

"You know, not even Shinigami know of the future." Gelus commented as he followed her, the sky above them turning beautiful shades of orange and pink.

"Ne, do you know if it's possible for lifespan to be transferred?" The thread forming his mouth tightened, his unique eye suddenly on her.

"When Shinigami kill humans, their lifespan are added to ours." She already knew that _(her head was going to burst with all that information, it's wrapping around her throat-)_

"And between humans?"

"Unheard of," his tone was light, until it wasn't. "I wouldn't recommend trying it, playing with life and death like that."

Blood dripped from where her nails had dug too deeply into the fragile skin of her palms, Gelus now gone.

* * *

"Mmm..." The low sound came from a young man with huge shadows under his blank dark eyes. The man was sitting in his usual crouched position, enjoying some sweets.

"This cake really is the best... " His eyes never left the screen of the high-tech computer in front of him, the biggest cup of coffee next to it, courtesies of Watari.

"Are you sure we cannot take her with us?" Dry lips were pulled in a pout as he looked up at the older man who was standing up next to him, a large book in his hand.

"Yes L, I am certain. You cannot take a young lady away from her family and friends simply because you want her to bake more sweets for you," The butler sighed, eyes twinkling as he took in the state of the closest thing he had to a son, his best project ever.

Crumpled shirt and sunken cheeks or not.

"It really is a shame, those sweets are the best I've had in Japan..." The detective said lightly biting his thumb. "Misa Amane huh?" The man barely entering his adult years looked at the file in front of him, eyes narrowed.

"We'll get some more when we reach France." Watari tried to placate him, fingers pushing his glasses upwards.

"She looks normal, too normal..."

"We are leaving Japan tomorrow, has this girl really caught so much your attention that you would look into her files like this?" L once again ignored the disapproving glances of Watari, fingers tightening around paper. "She's hiding something... I just don't know what."

"I trust you L, but sometimes I wonder where in the world do these ideas come from," Watari commented as he served the insomniac detective some more coffee. The old man knew to trust the boy's instinct, it was very rarely wrong. Still, some high school girl.

"Change is a normal part of life, the best can be beaten while the worst can always improve. Following that principle, grades are a thing that should change as a student improve or regress and yet..." The detective bit harder on his thumb, the only thing letting the older man know of his frustration.

"Ever since Misa Amane started her schooling, all of her grades in all of her classes ranged between 85% and 90%, all of them."Quillsh Wammy shook his head fondly at his protege's antics, "In the rankings, she always managed to be in the top 10, but never in the three best students. It could be a coincidence or..."

Dark eyes searched the picture of a pretty, if a bit plain, blonde.

"Let's just say she managed to keep her grades in this range never getting lower or higher, this would mean she estimated what was needed to achieve those grades in each class, such a feat would require a high intellect. When asked to describe Misa Amane, most of her teachers described her as a lunatic. Never listening in class and yet achieving high grades." L took a sip of his overly sweet coffee not once looking at Watari.

"It could be a coincidence, but if I am right, it would mean that she does not want attention for a reason or the other...Maybe I'm overthinking this." The detective rarely did, "If not, than what is she hiding from?"

L bit down on another cookie.


	7. vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People don't see her coming.

_May 15th, 2003._

Misa is eighteen when she decides her parents deserve a break.

"Darling are you absolutely sure it's okay for us to leave for a whole week? We can always stay here the three of us, it's no-" Misa didn't let her mother finish, giggling sweetly as she hugged the woman closely.

"Really mom? I wouldn't have bought you two a trip to Osaka if I didn't want you to go." As simple-minded as it was, sending her parents away was both the best and the worst idea. Burglars couldn't hurt them now, but if something were to happen in freaking Osaka, she wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

It was a risk she had deemed necessary when her parents' numbers refused to budge. No matter if she upgraded the security system of their home or took self-defense class. It was driving her mad.

_(oh baby, don't you know?)_

_(you already were mad)_

"Besides I really want you to enjoy your anniversary together. Twenty years of marriage, you guys deserve some time off!" Her mother sighed, defeated.

"Leave her alone Yui, our daughter is a big girl now. A week without us won't kill her." Her father kissed her forehead, avoiding his wife's incoming slap to the back of his head. "No boys or wild parties while we are gone! Don't forget to call. We love you, sweetie."

"Yes dad. I promise," she then checked the time, lips pursing. "Guys you're boarding in an hour, you need to pass the checkpoint."

"Dear wife, _that_ is your doing not mine." Her mother's face took a lovely pink color, rolling her eyes fondly. "Takuma!"

"Go!" she shooed them both away after promising yet another time to keep the doors closed and her phone open at all time so they could call her once they landed. "I love you!"

She has time to catch a glimpse of their numbers before their backs are completely turned to her and there's this, this hitch in her breathing. Those damned numbers will be the death of her, they'll be the death of her and a grin still splits her face and half.

She laughs when the numbers _bleed._ Crashing down on themselves to build back up, years piling on top of the other.

_Yui Amane_

_**6** _ _8 98_ _**3** _ _8 **2**_ _**0** _

_Takuma Amane_

_**4** _ _00 3_ _**25** _ _0 4_ _**0** _

Some lady turns her nose upwards when she catches the breathless girl almost running out of the airport back to her car - it made more sense to use hers since she was dropping them off at the airport. She smiles at the mean old thing, all teeth and wide blue-green-golden eyes.

"What are you going to do now?" Gelus' voice is light, slightly scratchy.

"Go back home, and take care of any vermin that might show up." So maybe she now sounds like a protagonist of an action movie, truth be told she trusts she'll be able to get out of there with her life and perhaps not much more.

She'll find a way to deal with this, it's not like she has much of a choice. Really, the event that set in motion the original Misa's psychotic break never got much more than a date and a 'robbery gone wrong'.

Thanks a lot guys.

Somewhere in the twisted confines of her mind, Misa remembers forgetting things about Death Note including the date of her parents' death. After all, it was only in the encyclopedia-like thing she had quickly browsed through quickly, _damnit all to hell._ She remembers not remembering.

_(nails digging into the skin of her cheeks, near her eyes as she wailed)_

Suddenly, she got her date.

It was there in front of her eyes, in bold raw lines on the sketchpad that had been left on her desk for schoolwork. May 19th, 2003.

_(yes...Misa remembers)_

"I'll have my phone in hand the whole time, and a taser." Her dad's idea of a Christmas/birthday gift, she loved it. "Maybe a knife, the small ones in the kitchen could be hidden in my boot..." Not the ones her mother got her for December 25th of course, her other cheaper ones would make a better option.

"Murder is a good option as any," her cute companion nodded. "I do however believe the human thing to do would be to discourage it."

"Luckily, I already have human friends. I do not need more." Gelus cackled, trailing off about how she was the most entertaining human ever. _(the 'im' in impossible stood for Mi, who stood for Misa)_

That wretched man would receive no mercy from her.

* * *

_May 19th, 2003._

She barely sleeps that night - her first mistake, running on coffee and four hours of sleep alone was not her best idea. _(eh, she did worse while in college as Maria, she'll be fine)_

She picked Nami up with her trusted engine, almost expecting someone to jump out of the bushes.

"I really don't know why you love that thing so much." The blonde let out an offended gasp. "Shh! She's going to hear from you! Don't listen to her baby, Nami is just jealous she doesn't have a car as beautiful as you." Her brunette friend gave the metal a knock once she was out of the car, walking towards the rather imposing building.

Misa rode towards her own university which was only a few streets away.

Misa Amane had once been a model, a pop idol. This Misa was studying to become a lawyer. _(Maria...hadn't been much of anything)_

The thought alone made her choke down a laugh, justice was...an abstract concept, especially in a world where visions of _justice_ were the main focus of the storyline. She held no love for such a concept, especially not in practice.

What she did enjoy however, _was winning._ Misa was pretty, a good portion of her charm, the rest laid in her ability to twist and turn to fit whatever it was people wanted to see, to hear.

To be pretty (that's easy) so boys underestimate you and girls assume you're too vain to care about what's up in your head. To be smart, just the right amount, not to be chalked down as dumb and forgotten too soon. To be kind, but not too much, then other girls can boast about their morals and _oh I took in that cat from the streets -_

And when Misa is exactly where they want her to be, just the right amount of _pretty-smart-kind_ , that's when she strikes.

People don't see her coming.

_(sometimes the combination changes, humans are such fickle creatures after all. slutty-dumb-ditzy or cute-shy-humble are less used, she still likes them)_

It was either to become an actress or a lawyer. _(she's both, just the right amount)_

Her first semester in Law school almost made her rethink her decision because _holy shit_. The course work wasn't what was challenging no - not when she'd read law students' books in high school.

It was all the running around between classes and mile-long papers she had to write. She sure as hell didn't remember university to be so energy-consuming the first time around. "Amane-san?"

"Yes?" The boy gave her a shy smile, gesturing to the other students around them who were packing their stuff. "Thank you, I had to pull a one-nighter for that paper due next week, I'm a bit distracted." He blushes as she brushes past him, school bag in hand with her stuff hazardly thrown in.

Her baby rumbles and she almost forgets Nami texted to say she'd be waiting at the closest coffee shop instead of college, working on some papers before Misa came to pick her up. _Great, an opportunity to get some more coffee._

"Good afternoon best friend of mine!" She greets the girl with a peck on the cheek and slice of cheese cake carefully placed next to the girl's pile of papers.

"Hey, you want to hang around for a bit or to go home already?" she takes a seat on the comfortable chair, trying to calm her nerves. _It's going to be fine, you'll be fine -_

A laugh that sounds of death rings in her eardrums.

Bloodied letters and numbers shift and move around, a young girl kisses a boy in a darkly lit corner of the shop, her numbers _drop._

"Just need to finish this and-" Her stomach rumbles, the brunette's brows furrowing. "Shit, I forgot to eat." Nami looks at the slice of cake before stuffing it into her mouth.

"Oh, oh Misa I love you." Hazel eyes sparkle, no crimson reflected in them. "I thought we'd already established that babycakes, your mom's already planning a June wedding."

"Of course how could I forget, we'll get a dog for you and cats for me. We'll live in Canada!" Misa laughs an ugly laugh and recognizes it's the most genuine thing about her.

"I'll go freshen up before we go, that lesson killed me." Not as much as her parents would-be murderer might do. The bathroom is empty and her reflection is what greets her. Her complexion is uneven, mascara barely smudged from where she rubbed her eyes awake during class.

Misa frowns, even if she's quite sure nobody noticed and the only reason it stands up so much is because of her eyes. She fixes up her makeup, applying a dark plum color to her lips.

The plump flesh quirks upwards, she looks good, you really couldn't fake genetics like these.

"Damn girl, you have a date or what?" Someone whistles as she passes by, she ignores it. The knife is cool against the skin of her ankle, she's almost scared it might cut her, even when strapped there securely.

"Back off loser," Nami's bag is in her hand, the other holding her friend's coffee. The boy lets out an offended _tch_ and Misa giggles prettily when she takes back the still hot cup, looking at the boy underneath her lashes. "She's not interested."

"Not when my date's so pretty, I'm not." Her lips press against the corner of Nami's, she can almost taste the sugar and strawberries on the tip of her tongue. The boy chokes at the display, the two girls escaping outside with twin smirks.

"You're evil," her best friend laughs, slamming the door of Misa's car close.

"For calling you pretty? Well then I must be the devil for loving you so much." Nami falls silent, mouth hanging open. There's a comment about her not being funny to which Misa answers that no she is not funny. _(she is not funny, only dead)_

Thankfully the ride home isn't long, both of them having wisely picked schools that were close to home. Nami gives her the stink eye before getting out of the car, before turning around with a promise to call later. Her cheeks are red, lips pulled into an almost shy smile.

Well...time to ride off into the sunset to meet her fate.


End file.
